just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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