I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Even my vagina gasped.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize