You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize