You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
