All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
