So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
