I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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