Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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