Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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