I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
4 words: hood of his car
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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