Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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