I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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