Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
