in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
