Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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