so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
