Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
