Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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