i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize