hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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