I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
