why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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