I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
