she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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