in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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