Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize