yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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