you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
