So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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