In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
