i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
