I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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