Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do vagina's smell?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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