So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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