ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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