Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
