You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
