why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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