the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
