Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
