You really coming over, don't trick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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