when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
