i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
