I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
