I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
