You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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