What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
