I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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