Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
