Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
