I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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