She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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