Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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