Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
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like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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