That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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