I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
