Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck me I smell like cheese
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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