lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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