Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
