laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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